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TsunBaka
Early Life TsunBaka is a legendary pokemon loosely based off of the native animal that dots the Scotland highlands, commonly known as "Amiibos.". An all-female race, he was forced into the sex trade at age 11 because his parents could no longer afford his diet that composed mainly of horsechops and incandescent light bulbs. After 11 summers of working the mineshaft, TsunBaka lost his job due to complaints about him biting customers. In reality, he had come down with a terrible disease known as "D╬ngeräffenshmëit" (roughly translated to English is "Chlamydia"). This deadly affliction causes muscle spasms, particularly around the jaw and uterus area, which ultimately lead to his jaw slamming down tightly and unexpectedly every 11-19 minutes.. He found work for a short while as a maple farmer in Argentina, but the Yakuza shut down the business for non-payment after they realized that the rainforest doesn't have much of a market for Maple Syrup. It was back into the sex trade during the spring of 1998, when TsunBaka got his break later that year. Given the stage name "Papa Dragon", he soon found his way into Hollywood, starring in James Cameron's Avatar as some douchebag with a Rockem'-Sockem' Robot suit. As it turned out, the movie was a box office bust, because audiences disliked the way the movie blatantly stole it's plot from Pocahontas, and the fact that Michelle Rodriguez is a fucking racist whore who sleeps with Amiibos just so she can stop the sperm from that individual from possibly impregnating sophisticated people, like Ernest P. Werrell . Luckily, TsunBaka wasn't back to sucking dick long before the Aluminum Falcon flew by, casting a silver and brown rainbow over the land, lighting the way to The Great Journey. The Great Journey By the time TsunBaka reached the end of the silver and brown rainbow, 4 people already reached the Oracle which lay at it's end. He ate them all, because all that walking made him really thirsty. The talking Nintendo Gamecube was very helpful to Tsun throughout his middle age, because until then TsunBaka only pretended to have a friend that could survive a nuclear explosion. He taught Tsun how to sing, how to dance, and how to be happy. Then the green Power Ranger joined the duo on April 20th in the year 2006. TsunBaka woke up the next Thursday with a daze, a sore jaw, and no wallet. To his surprise, he was being cheered on by the cast and crew of Everybody Loves Raymond, except Doris Roberts because she was filming for the new Star Wars Movie, as they ran out of CGI during the prequels and had to use a lookalike for Master Yoda. It was back to acting for TsunBaka. Crime & Punishment TsunBaka was later fired from the show, due to allegations of him drinking the blood of virgin chickens. This would not normally be a crime in California, but the Norwegian Occupation had begun earlier that season. And if there is anything Norwegian Princes hate, it's when you drink the blood of their offspring. Nobody ever heard from TsunBaka again, until the year 2014. Legends League After resurfacing to the public, TsunBaka became a popular shoutcaster and icon in the professional Guitar Hero scene. He then decided that since Guitar Hero and League of Legends were basically the same game - hitting 5 different keys, timing combos, and devoid of strategic diversity - he would quit his position with now global superpower Taco Bell and pursue his lifelong dream: Be the first to play Bard to a reasonable value to his team. However, after a year of playing Bard in solo queue and screwing over his team, he was murdered on the side of the street.